Sophie's Letter
By Zhi-Min Hu

It hurts me to see your anger, Dad,
But I am not your punshing bag,
I'm not prefect and I'm flawed,
Just cause I'm not a son.

You kill our love with your fists,
Along with my respect and my dignity,
My sanity and my self-esteem,
are buried under toxic shame.

You said, you love me, but you dumped me like trash,
You took the fast train and left me behind,
That year I was only one,
Mother went crazy and aborted a child.

The year I returned I was almost three,
My cousin thought we were playing ball,
No, no. no, I was the ball rolling all over the floor,
Never forget your strong giant feet,
Brutally kicking my tiny bones.

I was cute like other kids and I was pretty as other girls,
Why did I take the blame for things that I didn't even know?

I want to love you, my dear Dad,
I want to forget all you did,
I want you to hug me and reassure me,
Your love never turn into blame.

My deepest wish never came true,
Your hatred burns all my love,
You ordered me to knee on the freezing floor,
Bashing me with your heavy stick,
Pulling my hair, slapping my face,
Leaving me starving in the cold,
What did I do wrong?
What did I say?
Me too, I'm made out of flesh and bone!
My heart bleeds when you screen,
My soul trembles when you shame me.

You said, that's the way of love,
You said that's because you care about me,
You even told me I'm your favourite child!

How many days and how many nights,
I have been trapped in a big black box,
Can you hear my weeping and my prayers?
Can you see tracks of my tear?
Yo walk away like you're deaf and blind.

You smile at our neighbors,
You shake hands with my teachers,
Who could ever imagine your glare behind the door?
Cold as ice, sharp as a knife,
Your ugly, pathetic, hateful face,
Like the demon howling in my nightmare!

When night falls, my heart drops,
So much fear to step through the door,
Who knows what tonight's show is?
Behind that door, a monster dwells.

You said I'm ugly, you said I'm a shame,
You said I could never reach my dreams,
You stole my diary and took away my light,
You locked me away so I could not see the sky.

....................

Anger burns me deep inside,
It strikes me hard in the empty night,
There is no tomorrow, there is no today,
I'm trapped in the darkness, a black hole,
Cannot fight against the gravity,
Spinning, falling, keep sinking......

I never knew what love was,
Love is painful, love is shame,
Love is toxic, love is guilt,
Love never brightened my soul.

I never believe I could fly,
I broke the mirror, I hate my face,
I am the lightest cloud in the sky,
Wandering, floating, and rambling.

....................

Dad, I need to tell you all,
How I grew up, what I've been throught,
Fear and pain through the years,
Time to release, to redeem,
......
Cause, I still hope for peace.

© 2013 Zhimin Hu, All Rights Reserved.